apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
