he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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