He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize