She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
