Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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