hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
