Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
