Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
