shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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