Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
