What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
