i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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