please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
