i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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