Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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