Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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