I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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