If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
