break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think my fart just growled at me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
