let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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