Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
