Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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