I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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