I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
