We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
