apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
