just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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