sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
