I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i need an iv and a liver transplant
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
