they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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