She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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