im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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