Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
