You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
