he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
