he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
