absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
