So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
