did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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