her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize