So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
