I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
