You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
