So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
