I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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