She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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