Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
