Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Houston, we have a blender
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
