If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You've changed since you got that strap on
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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