There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
