My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
