I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
