No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
