I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
should my penis look like a turkey
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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