drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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