I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
