I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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