paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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