yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
