My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
