it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
