Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
