Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
