We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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