I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
