Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
