Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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