i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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