Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
