you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
