when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
