ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
