ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
