Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
