I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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