I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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