My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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