Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
