I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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