im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
