he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
