I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
