Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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