Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
